What Self-Talk Has to Do With Who You Are Becoming
I want to tell you about last night.
But first… let me back up a little. Because context matters here.
When I came back to New Jersey after years of military life… California, North Carolina, moving the kids from place to place… I was ready to root. I needed a church home. And honestly? I needed more than a Sunday seat. I needed women. Fellowship. A place where I could breathe and grow and not have to explain my whole life before someone would just sit with me.
I found this church in December 2025 and I was terrified to go. But I felt I had to. And I want to tell you… I was already in conversation with a fellowship friend about Psalm 127 that morning. About how children are like arrows. And I walked into that church for the very first time… and the pastor stopped mid-message and said something to his team, “I know I’m just throwing this out there, but can you put this up on the screen?” And it was Psalm 127. He added it in right then as I was asking for confirmation that I should be there.
I started tearing up. That’s how God works sometimes. Not loud. Just… hits you with it when you need it.
I have felt that almost every time I have gone.
When I was at my previous church, the messages would speak to something God had already been directing me toward. But this church does something a little different for me. There’s a confirmation… and then there’s a new direction. Like God saying, “Yes, you’re on the right path. Now keep going.”
So when I saw they had a life group with a book study… and the book was Priscilla Shirer’s The Armor of God… I signed up immediately.
I already own that book.
I started it last year and never finished it. But I know now. I wasn’t ready for it then. Because I needed it for this moment.
Last night, I walked into the first session and sat down with a small group of women. And I was nervous but calm. I kept telling myself that morning that if God brings me to a room, then I am meant to walk into it. I am meant to sit down. I am meant to be present.
So I took a deep breath and I exhaled. I asked my anxiety to take a backseat for a moment.
As we got into the study, we were watching the video and then discussing things after. The very first section is about identifying the enemy.
And something came up in the conversation that I just have not been able to stop thinking about.
Sometimes the enemy doesn’t really need to do much at all.
Because we open the door ourselves.
The Work I See Every Single Day
I shared something with the group from my work as a nutrition and fitness coach. I hear women every single day.
And I want you to understand something… these women are strong. They show up. They are doing the work.
And yet…
They stand in front of the mirror or they look at a photo and they tear themselves apart.
The words that come from them sometimes stops me cold.
Words they would never… not in a million years… say to someone they loved.
But they say them to themselves without blinking. About their legs. Their stomach. Their face. The parts of themselves that God knit together with intention and care.
And it breaks my heart every single time. Every. Single. Time.
And I don’t bring faith into coaching unless my client is OK with it and opens the door for it. The best that I can say to them when they get to that point is…
You cannot hate your body into something that you love.
It’s my best attempt… my best attempt at fighting what I believe is way more than just a mindset.
Because my belief… what I kept thinking as I sat in that room with those women last night…
That is not just low self-esteem.
That is what happens when you’ve internalized the critic/enemy so deeply that you can’t tell the difference between truth and lies anymore.
How We Become Our Own Saboteur
I brought up the concept of the boiling frog.
If you drop a frog into boiling water it jumps out.
But if you put it in cool water and slowly turn up the heat… it never notices.
It just… adjusts. Until it’s too late.
And that. That is what the world does to how we see ourselves.
It doesn’t happen all at once. It’s the magazine. The comments. The comparison. The scroll. The standard that keeps shifting just enough that we stop noticing how far we’ve moved from the truth.
And before long we are doing the enemy’s work for him. Fluently. Without even realizing it.
What This Actually Teaches Us About Self-Talk and Transformation
1. Your Words Create Your Reality
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21
What you say to yourself becomes what you believe about yourself. What you believe becomes how you behave. How you behave becomes who you are.
This isn’t positive thinking. This is actual neuroscience meeting biblical truth.
Every time you stand in front of the mirror and tear yourself apart, you’re literally rewiring your brain to see yourself that way. You’re speaking your body into a story of shame instead of stewardship. You’re fulfilling the prophecy you’re speaking over yourself.
For one day, notice every critical thought you have about your body. Don’t change it yet. Just listen. What are you actually saying to yourself? Write it down. Now ask… would I ever say this to someone I love? If the answer is no, you’ve found something that needs to change.
2. The Inner Critic Is Not Truth
“We take every thought captive to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5
That voice in your head that tears you apart… it’s not God. God doesn’t shame you about your body. He doesn’t tell you you’re not enough.
That voice is the accumulation of… Every comparison you’ve made. Every standard that’s been placed on you. Every diet culture message you’ve absorbed. Every comment someone else made that landed wrong. Every impossible expectation you’ve internalized.
It’s loud and it’s familiar and it feels like truth because you’ve been listening to it so long.
But it’s not truth.
Practically: Start identifying where that inner critic voice came from. Whose voice does it sound like? What did someone tell you about your body that you believed? What standard were you taught to chase? Once you identify the source, it loses some of its power.
3. Perfectionism Is How We Do the Enemy’s Work
The inner critic doesn’t want you to succeed. It wants you stuck in a cycle of shame, perfection attempts, and failure.
You eat one thing off plan and suddenly the whole day is ruined, the whole week is ruined, you might as well give up completely. You miss a workout and suddenly you’re lazy and undisciplined. You look in the mirror and instead of seeing progress you see every flaw magnified.
This all-or-nothing thinking keeps you fighting yourself instead of moving yourself forward.
Practically: Where are you expecting perfection? In your eating? Your workouts? Your appearance? Pick one. What would happen if you aimed for eighty percent instead of one hundred percent? What if good enough was actually… enough?
4. Comparison Is the Boiling Frog Strategy
You’re not comparing yourself to one standard anymore. You’re comparing yourself to an endless scroll of standards. Impossible ones. Filtered ones. Curated ones. And every time you scroll, the heat turns up a little bit more.
And you don’t notice. You just adjust.
Until you believe that your natural body is wrong. That your normal face is flawed. That your actual life is insufficient.
But that’s not truth. That’s temperature.
Practically: What comparisons are stealing your peace? Social media? Magazines? Other people? Identify them. Then ask… do I need this in my life? What would it look like to step back? Even for a week?
5. You Are an Image Bearer of God, Not a Problem to Fix
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14
He knit you together in your mother’s womb. He knew you before you were formed. He looked at what He made and He called it good. You are not a mistake. You are not too much or not enough. You are not your thighs or your skin or the number on a scale.
He made you exactly the way He needed you to be. For the life He has called you to. For the people He has placed in your path.
This isn’t about ignoring your health. It’s about the lens you’re looking through. Are you trying to fix something broken? Or steward something that was already called good?
Practically: Write down three things your body does well. Not how it looks. What it does. What it enables you to do. What it carries you through. What it allows you to show up for. Start seeing your body as a capable partner instead of a problem.
6. There’s a Difference Between Healthy Assessment and Self-Destruction
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…” Romans 12:2
There is a healthy way to assess your physical body. Your temple. You can assess and determine what you need to do to renovate and rededicate that space for the life you’re living.
But girl… you can’t break the temple down.
God made that.
He took a moment in space and time to design you exactly how you are. If we can accept that, we can then take a look at the design and see how we can make that temple even grander. How we can strengthen it. How we can care for it.
But it starts with respect, not rejection. With stewardship, not shame.
Practically: When you’re making a decision about your health or fitness or nutrition, check your motivation. Are you coming from a place of care and stewardship? Or punishment and shame? If it’s shame, that’s not the right reason. Find a better one.
7. Breaking the Cycle Starts With Awareness
You have to wake up before the water gets any hotter.
The first step isn’t changing everything. It’s noticing what’s actually happening. It’s pausing that critical voice and asking… is this true? Is this helping me? Is this who I want to be?
And once you see it clearly, once you can name it, you have the power to change it.
Practically: For the next week, every time you notice that critical inner voice, pause. Don’t argue with it yet. Just acknowledge it. “There’s that voice again. That’s the inner critic, not truth.” This simple pause creates space between you and the thought. Space is where change happens.
The Real Invitation
When you stand in front of that mirror or stare at that photo and you pick yourself apart…
I pray you pause. I hope you hear this.
Because the enemy doesn’t need to whisper lies to you if you are already speaking them to yourself.
But you get to choose something different.
You are an image bearer of God. You were made with intention. You were made for a purpose. And the voice that tears you down… that’s not the voice you need to listen to.
So I want to ask you the same thing that was living in that room with us last night…
Where in your life might you be doing this work for yourself instead of moving toward freedom?
Where are you believing lies about your body that are keeping you stuck?
And what would it look like… to stop?
Because I’m rooting for you. And I believe you’re capable of so much more than spending your energy fighting yourself.
I wish you many blessings and love. ♥️
