Grieving Forward

A quick note before this one: I wrote it last year, in the middle of the season it describes. I’m sharing it now as I move more of my faith writing over from Substack into this space, since I’m leaning further into faith-integrated coaching with clients.

This past year unraveled my life in ways I never expected. But it also taught me something I never saw coming: grief and growth aren’t opposites… they often walk hand in hand.

Around this time last year, my marriage of 16 years began to deteriorate.

I don’t wish to go into the inner workings of what happened. But I do believe there’s something I can share from this experience that was new for me.

To understand the depth of this season, you’d need to know a bit about my past. I’m someone who has survived a wide spectrum of childhood abuse. All 10 of the ACEs. I’ve been diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety, OCD, and cPTSD.

I’ve spent years doing the personal work to move through what I’ve experienced…

I’ve walked through therapy multiple times.
Studied Stoicism and mindfulness.
Consumed more personal development books than I can count.
Spent hours daily in Bible studies, the Word, and in prayer.

But the unraveling of my marriage triggered layers of grief I didn’t expect…

Grief not just for the present loss, but echoes of pain from many, much older stories.

And from all of it, I’ve come to believe this deeply:

There is a time for everything.
And multiple things can exist in one moment.
You can grieve and move forward at the same time.

Moses and Joshua… A Story of Grief and Mission

I have been rereading the Bible since Easter, and one of the relationships that you see earlier on between Genesis and Exodus really stood out to me for the way that I feel in this moment and time.

Moses and Joshua.

Joshua first appears in Exodus 17:9-10.

“So Moses said to Joshua, ‘Choose for us men, and go out and fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand.’ So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill.” Exodus 17:9-10

After this moment, Joshua is depicted as Moses’s assistant or aide. He is a loyal follower. Joshua accompanies Moses to the tentative meeting, and he’s also the one who is chosen to succeed Moses as the leader of the Israelites by God. He even went with Moses up into the mountain of God.

“So Moses rose with his assistant Joshua, and Moses went up into the mountain of God. And he said to the elders, ‘Wait here for us until we return to you. And behold, Aaron and Hur are with you. Whoever has a dispute, let him go to them.” Exodus 24:13-14

So when Moses died, Joshua didn’t just lose a leader… he lost someone he deeply loved. He lost his mentor and friend. And in Joshua 1, God acknowledges the grief… and then immediately tells Joshua to lead the people forward. That tension between mourning and mission struck me.

“After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua the son of Nun, Moses’ assistant, “Moses my servant is dead. Now therefore arise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, into the land that I am giving to them, to the people of Israel. Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon as far as the great river, the river Euphrates, all the land of the Hittites to the Great Sea toward the going down of the sun shall be your territory. No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:1-9

I don’t believe Joshua stopped grieving.

I believe he carried it with him… even as he obeyed God’s call.

He had to choose to be strong and courageous.

To move forward. To answer God’s call. Even when it hurt.

But that’s not without Him.

“No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.” Joshua 1:5

He may have been hurting. And he was called to lead the people.

But he was not going to be alone.

Even in grief, Joshua wasn’t alone. God’s presence and promise anchored him. God told him that he would not leave him or forsake him.

“Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.” Joshua 1:7

And not only did he have God with him.

He had God encouraging him.

Be strong and be very courageous.

Do not turn to the left or to the right… and you will have success wherever you go.

You just have to move forward.

And that was just it.

That was what was new for me in this experience… was the realization that moving forward doesn’t need to wait for grief to be over.

I had believed for a long time that I needed to take on one issue at a time and work through it in its entirety to heal. Or just tuck the pain away for the meantime and deal with it later so that I can just move.

But in this season, God showed me something different:

Movement and mourning aren’t enemies. We need to balance the needs of both to keep moving through moments. Obedience can happen in the middle of sorrow. We could answer to callings. Take on great feats. Be victorious and still feel the grief of what we’ve lost. And we are only stuck in it if we choose to be… Only if we choose to walk to the left or the right. Otherwise, if we choose to walk the way we are called, God is with us. God is encouraging us. God wants to walk with us just like it was intended in Eden.

What Grieving Forward Actually Looks Like

I realized that what I learned in my darkest season applies to anyone walking through loss, disappointment, or difficulty. If you’re grieving… whether it’s a relationship, a dream, a loss, an identity you thought you’d keep… these principles might speak to where you are.

1. Acknowledge That Grief and Growth Walk Together

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…” Ecclesiastes 3:1

You don’t have to choose between grieving and growing. They’re not on opposite timelines. Some days you’re taking huge steps forward. Some days moving forward looks like getting out of bed. Both are valid. Both are real. Both can happen in the same week, the same day, sometimes in the same moment.

Practically: Stop waiting for grief to be completely resolved before you step into what’s next. Give yourself permission to feel both things at once.

2. Understand That Obedience Doesn’t Require Feeling Ready

Joshua was grieving. Deeply. He’d lost his mentor, his guide, the person he’d learned from. And God asked him to lead a nation. Not after he felt better. Not once the grief passed. In the middle of it.

“Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land I swore to their fathers to give them.” Joshua 1:6

Obedience to what you’re called to do… answering the callings on your life… doesn’t wait for emotional readiness. It asks for presence and faithfulness anyway.

Practically: What are you postponing because you don’t feel ready yet? What small obedience could you take on today… even with the heaviness? Teaching a class. Showing up for someone. Creating something. Stepping into work. All of these can happen while you’re still carrying grief.

3. Let God’s Presence Be Your Anchor, Not Your Emotional State

“Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.” Joshua 1:5

Your feelings will fluctuate. Some days you feel strong. Some days you’re barely surviving. But God’s presence doesn’t fluctuate. It doesn’t depend on how you’re feeling or how well you’re handling things. It’s constant.

When Joshua was told to be strong and courageous, that wasn’t about his emotional capacity. It was about God’s promise to go with him.

Practically: On the hard days when moving forward feels impossible… don’t anchor to how you feel. Anchor to the promise that you’re not alone. That presence is there whether you feel it or not.

4. Know That Small Obedience Counts as Much as Big Moves

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on…” Philippians 3:12

Pressing forward doesn’t mean dramatic transformation. Some days it’s a huge leap. Some days it’s opening the Bible with tears in your eyes. Some days it’s making breakfast for your kids when you want to stay in bed. Some days it’s one conversation with a friend. Some days it’s asking for help.

All of it counts. All of it is movement.

Practically: Don’t dismiss the small steps as insignificant. Making your bed is pressing on. Choosing to smile when you don’t feel like it is obedience. These small acts of faithfulness compound. They matter.

5. Balance the Needs of Movement and Mourning

Grieving Forward doesn’t mean you stop grieving so you can move. It means you carry both simultaneously and make space for the needs of each.

Some days you need to grieve deeply… therapy, prayer, journaling, time with people who get it. Some days you need to move… to create, to serve, to step into what’s next. Most days you need both.

Practically: Check in with yourself. What does this day need? Deeper processing? Forward momentum? Rest? You don’t have to choose one and forsake the other. You’re allowed to do both, and the balance will shift day to day.

6. Remember That You Walk the Way You’re Called, Not Alone

“Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.” Joshua 1:7

There are a thousand ways to get distracted from the path you’re called to walk. Ways that feel easier in the moment. Ways that seem to bypass the pain. But when you walk the way you’re actually called… God is with you…next to you…close. When you turn to shortcuts or detours, you feel like you are walking alone even if He is still there.

The invitation isn’t to pretend the grief isn’t there. It’s to walk through it on the path God has for you, not around it on a detour.

Practically: What is the calling or path in front of you right now? What does walking it look like today… even while grieving? That’s where God’s presence is greater…closer.. That’s where you’re not alone.

My Real Life Application

I still don’t have all the answers.

I’m still learning how to carry both sorrow and strength.

Some days, I feel strong. Moving forward is getting out of bed. Making breakfast for my kids. Opening my Bible, even with tears in my eyes. And setting out to be a blessing for someone else, even though I felt the heaviness in my heart.

Other days, I’m just surviving. I am going to deep therapy, whether that is in prayer, officially with my therapist, or via a call to a friend. These days were as hard as they got. Sometimes it was a cry, so just help me get out of bed. Help me take a step forward. Help me find one reason to smile. Help me find a reason to take another breath.

But no matter what the day holds… I don’t walk alone.

God is with me in the movement and in the mourning.

He’s there with every step. Even the itty-bitty ones.

He gives all that is needed to press on.

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14