Collecting the Good & Perfectionism
Recently, I’ve been making my way through The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, and it got me thinking about something. All too often I find that the people that I have coached and you know what… myself too… we get wrapped up in focusing on how hard a moment is. How difficult things are at times. The moments that we failed. The times that we didn’t live up to the standards that we had. And then we replay these moments. We live in these moments. We drag them out by pulling them into the next week with us…. and maybe the next week and so on and so forth… We almost thrive in replaying our suffering. And why? It just makes us feel worse.
And I get it. We want to be able to vent and we want to be able to hear someone else tell us that it’s okay to not be okay. To not get it done. To not have it all together. The permission to just sit there. But we can’t live there in that suffering. We can’t have this be our only focus.
So now answer me this… What do we do when something good happens?
Do you focus on it? Or do you let it happen in that moment and then move on because it went right so that’s expected, right? Everything is going as planned so keep going. Even if the time was difficult and we were still up against some really hard stuff…. But we made it through… a lot of times we just bypass that and don’t even think about it.
You see how that seems a little crazy, no?
We are so focused on those moments that we don’t live up to these standards that we have that the moments we do sometimes don’t mean anything to us. We focus on the failure and we dismiss the success.
If we’re constantly replaying these moments of failure, hard times and frustrations where we can’t live up to certain standards… Not doing anything about them whether that be pushing through, adjusting them or switching up plans. Not giving ourselves kudos for the things that we are able to do… we’re living in a one sided thought that simply desires the suck.
And I don’t know about you, but I don’t desire the suck. But I want to embrace it.
Embrace The Suck… Do Not Desire The Suck
Maybe that comes a little bit more from my side of being a military spouse for 17 years. Those phone calls with my friends, whose husbands are also away…. And we managed to get all the kids bathed in into bed and we’re cheering each other on. Yes, cheering each other on basic level crap. But that basic crap does not happen all the time in those situations.
Yes, we were cheering each other on for actually feeding our children dinner instead of putting cereal on the table again.
Yes, we were cheering each other on when we actually remembered to get another gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.
Yes, we were cheering each other on when we remembered to take time out for self-care like a hot cup of coffee or a hot shower.
We embraced the sucky situation and found the good in it. We found ways to keep each other going. We found things that we could collect throughout each day that said we did enough to hold onto some semblance of positive outlook when our lives looked anything but.
I’m not saying you need to look at military spouses and praise them for their amazing resilience… But maybe you should. They’re pretty bad ass. I am bias though.
What I am saying is start giving yourself some credit for the things you’re actually able to do every single day because I am willing to bet there are hundreds of things you make happen that wouldn’t happen on their own necessarily. It could really benefit you later on when you need it the most.
This is a sample of what I’ve sent a client before…
When you’re having those really good moments and things are working… It might be really beneficial to journal it out then too.
Example: Today was really great! I felt like I had a lot of energy after being able to walk this morning. I did really well with my protein levels and I just felt satiated all day long! Really feeling strong when I do my lifting right now and I’m willing to bet it has to do with the great sleep that I’ve been getting. I’m definitely fueling my body well and this is really awesome because I’m still finding ways to eat with my family still and have a little treats here and there.
So this is just off the top of my head but this is kind of what I’m thinking of… Typically, we tend not to journal during such moments because we’re enjoying them and don’t feel the need to document them.
Our brains often focus on problems, sadness, or emotions that require attention, rather than acknowledging and recording our positive experiences.
However, we could use these moments. If we journal them, we can look back on them when we need a reminder of the good times. If you went back and read something like that, what does that encourage you to do? Do you feel inspired to go get a little bit of a walk if your energy is feeling low? If you’re hungry is challenged do you feel a little inspired to go get a little bit more protein? If you’re feeling weak do you feel a little bit inspired to go ahead and do some lifting? Maybe you also feel a little inspired to get to sleep a little bit earlier because it’s been a long time since you felt excited about a lift?
Do you see the possibilities?
Put It In Action: Journal the Good
Here’s something I have done with a handful of my clients as well as myself and a few of my friends… we spent 30 days journaling the good. Nothing is too small. There’s nothing that doesn’t count.
Did you get up out of bed today? Good, count it. There are a handful of people out there, but are in situations that they don’t have the strength to even do that.
Did you make your bed? Good, I can’t even tell you how many people don’t actually do this. And not for nothing, but when you are in some deep places with mental health…. You can use this as something that check the box. It was something that you were fully capable of doing.
Seriously, nothing is too big and nothing is too small. Just journal it out… List it if you want. Number it! See how long it could be at the end of the month.
We need to find the good that we are actually are able to do. We don’t need to wait until we hit rockbottom to find it either. We can cheer ourselves along and still push and strive. Life is not one way or the other unless you make it that way.
Collect your good ♥️
This resonates w me, thank you
You are very welcome! And thank you so much for this comment! It is always nice to hear that something has resonated ☺️