Control what you can control.

Control is limited. SEVERELY limited most of the time. In fact, there’s a good portion of the time that I think that maybe we shouldn’t really even think too far into the thought of having things within our control. BUT that’s a whole different thought process for what I was aiming for here.

I was just listening to a friends podcast as I was setting myself up for the week ahead with laundry and groceries and everything…

If you want to check it out: Cows, Kids & Macros: Your happiness is in your own hands

I started to think about when I first started in my own weight loss journey, but also in the different big life transitions that I’ve gone through… how little was truly in my control on a big-picture scale. And it took me a very long time to understand that just because I wasn’t in control on a big-picture scale I could still control the little things that might help me get through that moment better.

And sure we can talk about a bunch of different mindset things that might’ve gone into where my head was back then… All or nothing… overachiever… stubbornness and if I can’t do it my way then I’m not gonna do it at all… a little bit of self-sabotaging overly commit… with a little bit of burnout and exhaustion. But I’ve learned some things LOL. And that’s where we’ll just leave that.

One of the very first things that helped me broaden my perspective(s) was learning more about control.

What is Control?

I love words and definitions and looking into root word meanings. It tells you a lot about the intent behind different words. I think it further how we can look at things. So for control…

control

con·trol transitive verb

1 a: to exercise restraining or directing influence over: REGULATE

1 b: to have power over: RULE

1 c: to reduce the incidence or severity of especially to innocuous levels

2 a: to incorporate suitable controls in

2 b archaic : to check, test, or verify by evidence or experiments

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/control

For control, we are looking to regulate, gain power/help incorporate suitable options, or reduce the severity.

As we go into the next part of this… keep that in mind. we’re going to look for things that we can regulate. Things that we actually have power over. Things that we have a choice in. And then finally things that we can maybe lessen the intensity of.

Something that is really helpful for us to work through and gives us some kind of structure for this… spheres of control.

Sphere of Control

The concept of Sphere of Control is a tool that helps people direct their time and effort toward areas that make more sense… controlling what you can control. This is commonly used as a productivity aid, BUT it can also be used to build resilience too.

It helps us see what we’re able to regulate, gain power over, have a choice in, or the ability to lessen the intensity of to help with possible suffering. Aka this helps us recognize areas where we have choices and agency.

How to Use it: Ready… easiest instructions ever… fill it in. Or is this actually easy?

Alternate Option: Write a full list & Whittle It Down

Before I learned about the spheres specifically, I did a more simple practice of writing down a list of everything I had to do.

And I mean everything. One time my list was actually somewhere in the 70 to 80 task range. Overthink much?

Then it was time to break it down…

What was realistic to be completed that month? Was there anything necessary to be completed that month? Everything else should be crossed out. Each month life can change pretty drastically.
What was realistic to be completed in that week? Was there anything necessary to be completed that week? Everything else should be crossed out.
Depending on the amount that was left, I would try to still take this list down to somewhere between 3 – 10 tasks. And 10 was really pushing it.

I should add that my task list never included the things that were in my routines and my rituals. It was never items that were part of my natural rhythm to get through each week.

I built these routines and rituals over time though. These were things like grocery shopping, meal prepping, laundry, preparing my gym bag each night, Amazon subscription for any run fueling or protein needs, and whatever else I needed for that season to be automatic. And in the beginning, these might actually be part of your list.

The goal that I always had was to simplify my life and stress while still executing the small actions that keep me in line with the goals that I have.

How can I manage RIGHT NOW?

OK, so I want to say just to start… I’m proud of you. this exercise isn’t actually easy. When we do this, we actually have to admit to ourselves what we don’t have control over and what we do. Depending on where you are and what’s going on in your life, that can be a very hard realization in either direction or both.

There have been many times when I have doomed spiraled myself and believed that I couldn’t do anything to get myself out of this hard situation and that I just needed to grip my teeth and bear it and eat every carton of ice cream I could find. AGAIN, we are not going into all of the different mindset things that I have worked myself through. No psychoanalyzing me here LOL. But the truth was… I could still get up. I could still prepare my food. I could still go for a 20-minute walk. I could still eat a vegetable. I was just choosing to allow my situation to regulate and gain power over me. I was giving the situation my choice and my agency in all things. and I was forgetting a very powerful statement… I am capable. I don’t finish that. Because there is no finish to that statement. Whatever it is… I am capable, if I choose to be.

So now there’s the other side of it… I have believed that I had a lot more control than I actually did. I overdid the planning. I gave myself a lot of “if” and “then” scenarios… to the point that I had lost choice because I was just following all of these stringent plans that I had put in place. And on the other side of all the different things at hand, I was burnt out. I left nothing up to chance. I left nothing up to my daily choice. I believe I could control everything. I spun out of control when something needed to be changed because I was no longer flexible or adaptable. So now I come back to two other statements that I consistently speak… I am flexible. And I am adaptable.

That is how I make my way through almost every scenario… I am capable, flexible, and adaptable.

So again… what can we do right now?

First, we can know this. We get to define how we show up in every single situation. That is something that is always in our control. Our reaction is ours AND ours alone.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
Viktor Frankl

Second, suffering and thriving can coexist. We can practice things tethered to our physical health, mental health, and emotional well-being during hard times. IN FACT, these are probably even more necessary in times of deep suffering. And these practices can accumulate over time. We can build resiliency through small actions and daily habits.

Here are some strategies:

1. Focus on what you CAN control.

It’s totally natural to feel fear and uncertainty in harder times, but you probably have more control than you think. And really, looking at the things within your control, you can possibly feel calmer and more capable.

Do you have control over the food you eat right now? Do you think you would be able to get in protein to help with possible hunger if you have a tendency to eat more when you’re feeling stressed? This can be an easy way to help you in that hard time. It will take the physical hunger out of the equation just a little bit. There are many other ways that you can work through your hunger management too. You do not have to be a “victim” to your belief that you are a stress eater and let that take full control. Check out: A Guide on Mastering Your Hunger
Are you able to move your body? And by movement… I mean any and all intensities, modalities, and frequencies. This is a simple one. Can you move? How? When?
What normally helps you? Managing stress through practices like journaling, meditation, moving meditation (running or flow yoga work well for me), Creating an Evening Routine, rest & sleep… think 7 Different Types of Rest
What are you consuming? Shaping your mindset and attitude… I truly believe that this is one of the most underutilized aspects of controlling what you can control. What we follow, read, listen to, watch… This shapes our minds and our attitudes. If we are consistently listening to things that make us feel worse in situations, we need to change what we are listening to. There are many times when I suggest to clients that they unfollow anything that makes them feel bad or question themselves in any negative way.
Finally, where are your people? Connecting with loved ones can be just the thing that we need. And I do realize that this is not an option for everyone because maybe this is one of the current situations. But even in those moments, just get connected. Find others who are going through similar situations that can maybe help validate what you’re going through and also help you move forward.

Great books to help:

2. Emotions are okay.

Self-compassion and self-soothing are okay. When things get hard, keeping up with certain habits can get harder. But you do not need to keep pushing the self-discipline train along on the tracks. You can ease up and create more space for self-compassion. The truth is that self-compassion and self-discipline are our own somewhat of a continuum and we need to be in a different place on that continuum at different times. The factor that’s more important in deciding where you go… radical honesty. Really truly assessing what you are capable of in that given moment. Because honestly, you may need to take a moment to simply self-soothe. Maybe it really is just too hard right now. And that’s OK.

Self-soothing is about finding ways to feel better and ease worries when you’re feeling physical or emotional pain, anxiety, or sadness. It’s about doing things that give you immediate comfort. A lot of our coping mechanisms, bring us comfort through things that are counter to our current habits like overeating or sitting down to binge some Netflix. Truthfully, it does help to see that these behaviors are attempts at self-compassion. Instead of criticizing yourself, acknowledge what happened, recognize it’s normal, and try to see if you can find something else that would work in place of this next time or change the level of its intensity or frequency next time.

Great books to help:

3. Take a small action.

Even small actions can make a difference. These could include stepping outside for fresh air, tidying a shelf, or sending a text message. OH and one of my favorites, more recently, exercise snacks. Carving out little tiny bits of time for little tiny bits of exercise. Just movement. No definition. Just a small bit of time.

And these matter! Simple actions, consistently practiced, accumulate over time. Watch this: The 2-Minute Rule to Building Habits | James Clear

Great books to help:

4. Breathe.

Consciously attending to your breath can help alleviate stress.

Techniques like blowing up an imaginary balloon or practicing box breathing can signal to your body that you’re safe, promoting relaxation. Personally, I have found box breathing to be really helpful.

Box breathing, also known as square breathing, is a relaxation technique used to calm the mind and body. It involves a simple breathing pattern where you inhale, hold your breath, exhale, and then hold your breath again, all for an equal count of time. Here’s how to do it:

Inhale: Take a deep breath in through your nose for a count of four seconds.
Hold: Hold your breath for a count of four seconds.
Exhale: Exhale completely through your mouth for a count of four seconds.
Hold: Hold your breath again for a count of four seconds.

This completes one full cycle of box breathing. You can repeat this pattern several times to help reduce stress, increase focus, and promote relaxation.

Great books to help:

Self-Control is Accepting the Responsibility of Choice

The final aspect of control that I touch on as a coach… self-control.

Self-control is accepting the responsibility for the choice. And this is completely up to you and to the power that you are willing to expend in making choices.

There are surely tactics that can help not have to make as many choices as possible. Just as there are tactics that will help us make choices that stay in line with our current wants and needs for our future.

All of this comes down to simply accepting the responsibility of the choice and then deciding what you’re going to do to help that choice.

In the world of weight loss, this is where we will talk a lot about helping yourself with your food environment. Building routines, rituals, and rhythms to help take out the daily choices and guesswork. Possibly even discussing some different things related to building a balanced plate to help take out the physical hunger that may lead somebody into their habitual snacking.

If you need help here, these are some of the best to help with all things self-control related!

Additional Resources

Precision Nutrition’s Sphere of Control Worksheet

Control what you can control.

What is Control?

control

Sphere of Control

Alternate Option: Write a full list & Whittle It Down