GREAT! Now, what do I do with this???

This is straight up a continuation from last week BECAUSE… seriously, what do I do with this mess now that I know it is all like this.

All the things that I moved through to accept… that’s great. Working on that.

But now what? Like really? Sometimes that kind of stuff just feels like one more thing… you know?

One more thing that I now have to figure out.

One more thing that I wish I would’ve never opened up and remained ignorant with because now I have to do something about it.

LET’S RUN IT ALL BACK…

Here’s the post in case you wanna go back and read it in full, but I’m gonna give you the quick and dirty here.

I am not supposed to be here.

Radical Acceptance

“Radical acceptance means practicing a conscious effort to acknowledge and honor difficult situations and emotions. Fully accepting things as they are, instead of ignoring, avoiding, or wishing the situation were different, can be a critical step in moving through a difficult experience to experiencing more meaning.” – What Radical Acceptance Really Means

Step 1: Identify the hard event (REAL TALK)
Step 2: Analyze the causes objectively (FACT CHECK)
Step 3: Accept emotions without judgment (FEELING CHECK)
Step 4: Make a proactive plan if it still impacts you (CAN WE LEARN ANYTHING?)

The Quick & Dirty: My Real Life Work-Through

1. REAL TALK

I am 11 pounds over… my “feel good”… “OK with it”… on the scale weight. OK, let’s be real. I am 30 pounds above my stage weight from the bikini competition. I was OK with gaining the healthy 10 to 15 pounds from that. But I am not OK here. And I have not been consistently training 4 to 5 days a week like I used to in almost a year now because of the injury in August and then the stress of the separation. I am nowhere near my strength PRs anymore and I am fighting to just be consistent. I am not supposed to be here.

I am a coach who guides people through weight loss, nutrition, fitness, and wellness every single day. If anything, I should be the one that has all of my shit together in this area of life. I should be able to be consistent with all of my habits and execute all of my goals. I am not supposed to be here.

2. FEELINGS & FACTS CHECK

Let’s separate the swirl…

FEELINGS:

Frustrated by the number on the scale.
Upset about injury setbacks and stress-triggered health issues.
Sad to be away from chasing PRs.
Aggravated that health, not just mindset, drives my consistency now.
Judged. Held back. Inadequate.

FACTS:

My clothes still fit and my labs are healthy for body composition.
I’m training 5 days/week… just differently now (running 3x, strength 2x).
I’m prepping for a half marathon now, not a powerlifting meet. Different goal, different training.
I still show up. I just listen to my body more.
I compare myself unfairly to past versions of me and to others. Back then I had more time, less stress, and no full-time job. It’s not the same now and that’s okay.

3. CAN WE LEARN ANYTHING?

Yep. But it takes coaching myself which is never easy.

Feelings matter. I named them, sat with them, and acknowledged them.
That number on the scale? It’s invisible to everyone else. What’s visible is how I treat myself.
My goal is different now: run a half marathon in November. That shift deserves respect.
I’m not 20 anymore. I don’t treat my body like I’m invincible. I treat it like the one home I’ve got with compassion and discipline.
I’ve evolved. I’m not 2012-me… and that’s a beautiful thing. She helped me get here.

This isn’t easy. I still have feelings about all of this. But I also have facts and those help ground me when the feelings get loud.

SO NOW WHAT?!?!?!

NOW WE NEED TO MAKE THE PLAN!!!

That’s what I didn’t really go into last week… the plan.

My own plan. My own timeline. My priorities that I pulled from this workthrough.

I am going to take you through this in a really simple way. But it’s not that simple when you’re actually trying to do it for yourself so I’m going to show you how I did it.

You need to get realistic with the goals that you can do. Not everything is possible. And that’s part of that acceptance part. You’ll see…
After you figure out the goals, you need to create a task list for each one. Feel free to go back and decide that a goal is too little or too big after you do this.
Then look at the timeline. You could have no timeline if you wanted to, but I’m willing to bet that the different goals that you have in place may have conflicting desires or needs. Maybe it’s too much time that it’s going to be required of you if you have them together. You can plan things out. You can reassess along the way. You can change anything you want to. But try to give yourself a rough draft of something.

The Scale & My Body Composition

I’m 11 pounds over my “feel good” weight… the number on the scale where I typically feel most at ease. Real talk: I’m 30 pounds above my bikini competition stage weight. I was okay gaining back a healthy 10–15 pounds from that, but I’m not okay here.

Feeling: Frustrated by the number on the scale.
Fact: My clothes still fit. My labs are healthy.

I would like to return to my pre-injury/pre-separation weight because I felt better in my body. I liked the way my clothes fit. I liked the way I looked in photos.

In my plan:

I will complete a full body composition check-in that includes: how clothing fits, how I feel in pictures, tape measurements, and scale weight. I will repeat this weekly throughout my half marathon prep.
I will eat at maintenance to support training and recovery during this season, using macro tracking as a guide… knowing that my hunger cues change with heat and endurance training.

After the half marathon, I will reassess my goals. If I still desire body composition changes, I’ll evaluate from a place of data, not emotion, and create a revised plan.

Setbacks & Consistency

I haven’t consistently trained 4–5 days a week in almost a year. It started with the injury in August, followed by the stress of separation. I’m nowhere near my old PRs. I’m fighting for consistency.

I keep thinking, I’m not supposed to be here.

Feeling: Upset by injury setbacks. Aggravated that health, not just mindset, now drives my consistency. Sad to be away from chasing PRs.
Fact: I’m still training… 5 days/week. It just looks different now (running 3x, strength 2x).
Fact: I’m prepping for a half marathon, not a powerlifting meet. Different goal, different training.

Yes, the setbacks were frustrating. The injury sucked. The separation and divorce were heavy. The autoimmune flare was a lot. All of that is true. But… I’m not starting over. I’m starting from experience.

In my plan:

I aim to finish the half marathon in November feeling proud… not for perfection, but for showing up through it all.
I’ll train using run-walk intervals and heart rate zones, and pair that with strength work that honors where my body is now.
I will continue with all medical appointments to protect the health I’ve fought for.

After the half, I’ll assess whether I want to reintroduce more strength focus and enter a new body composition phase.

Being A Professional

I’m a coach. I guide others in weight loss, fitness, and wellness. That means I should have it all together, right? I should be consistent. I should execute every goal. I shouldn’t be here, struggling with my own routines.

Feeling: Judged. Held back. Inadequate.
Fact: I compare myself unfairly to past versions of me and to others. That version of me had more time, less stress, and no full-time job. This season is different — and that’s okay.

This is not a failure. It’s a shift. I’m still a professional. Still a leader. Still growing. My definition of “professional” must include compassion… not just discipline. I will coach from a place of authenticity, not perfection. That’s what I “should” continue. We are all humans and we all have our own struggles. It is working through our struggles that make us stronger.

In my plan:

I will build habits that reflect my current life, not my past one.
I will protect time for my own health and performance because this is where my confidence is rooted.
I’ll be mindful of how much I take on while building consistency, but I’m committing to one post here per week. This creates space for reflection, creativity, and connection without pressure to do more when I am working on the other goals listed above.

Goals, Tasks & Timelines

Goal: The Scale & My Body Composition

Better current health and maintain body composition checks.

Complete weekly body comp check-in (photos, measurements, clothing fit).
Track calories/macros daily at maintenance.
Reassess body composition goals post-half marathon (November).

Goal: Setbacks & Consistency

Complete the half marathon in November feeling strong and proud.

Train 5x/week (3x running with intervals & HR focus, 2x strength).
Track and adjust for recovery, fatigue, or flares as needed.
Attend all scheduled doctor/health check-ins.

Goal: Being A Professional

Reconnect with my roots as a coach and leader.

Schedule a 1 weekly block for using my creativity and authenticity via creating a post.
Do not overcommit while building the above habits and consistency.

So that is me… from now until November.

I really hope this helps build the goal-action thought processes after working through the steps of radical acceptance.

With love, Coach Nik

GREAT! Now, what do I do with this???

LET’S RUN IT ALL BACK…

Radical Acceptance