Weekly Posts 15-20 of the Weight Loss Journey to Lose 135 lbs.
Here it is… another 8 weeks of how I got here.
Exactly as it was then.
I feel the need to add so much more to this as the person I am now with the knowledge that I have now but also from a place of all the work that I have done on me since then.
I was processing. I was moving forward. I was doing the best that I could with what I had.
I put a lot of blame in situations on different people, and since have realized that I have also taken an active part in a lot of situations that got me to the heaviest & lowest part of my life.
I was trying to put values on things like weights and sizes and there was a lot of guessing. There’s still is. I didn’t measure myself until I did. I didn’t have some kind of documentation of my sizing until I did. I selectively recalled things back then. And I definitely hid behind some half truths to save some face with this being put out there publicly.
Also, this is not a source of recommendation for practices. This is not the blueprint of how I got to where I did. This is just a recollection and a view into my previous headspace and life.
The main thing with these six weeks…
- Community & Accountability: I went to a meet up revolving around better health overall. I focus on nutrition, activity and community for help with accountability
- Celebrating NSVs: I had a non-scale victory that I decided to openly share and celebrate! Found that my openness with my journey was encouraging others to stay motivated or to begin as well.
- Recipes: I started to try different recipes from different websites to find things that we enjoyed but also to just grow my joy of cooking and feeding my family well.
- Got moving: Started the couch to 5K program in addition to the walks, Zumba on the XBox and Blogilates youtube videos. A friend gifted me a FitBit tracker to help me with more accountability.
- Discovering Recovery: Hello, foam roller
- My Why: Full story of my why in the moment… full openness. Not great on the self-talk or diet mentality perspective
- Supplementation: we joined a 90 day challenge through an MLM. The main supplement was a protein shake powder.
DISCLAIMER: I am posting word for word where I was over 10 years ago, and I am not editing. I am allowing you to see exactly what was happening and what I was posting before becoming a nutritionist trainer who followed an evidence-based practice. there were also some moments where I did not actually know that my heaviest weight was 265 pounds until I stumbled upon an old medical record.
September 14, 2012: Weight Loss: A whole new world
As you know, my scale went kaput. But that wasn’t the only thing that did. Let’s talk game changer.
We went out and bought the Weight Watchers scale. This, however, was the middle of the story. A friend of mine had been talking to me about a fitness group for a while now and I just didn’t feel ready. I have been spending the last two months understanding my eating habits more. Also, I was starting to rebuild my body through Blogilates workouts, Zumba Fitness on X-Box & just about anything else that got me moving. I didn’t quite have the courage yet to admit my weight issues in person, but this last Saturday was the breaking point.
The little healthy person in my head told me that not only did I need to go to the meeting at my friend’s house, but I needed to get outside beforehand too. After a two mile walk around the neighborhood pushing the double jogger, I showered and hopped in the truck. I arrived late but quickly felt welcomed. We talked about goals, found a workout buddy and then that part that I feared happened. Someone measuring me and seeing those digits on the scale…207.6 lbs. Valerie was awesome about it though. Not once did she make me feel the horrible sting of the numbers or that my goal wasn’t doable. She just made sure that I understood the reality of what my goal was going to take.
- Weight: 201.3 lbs today (lookie at the myfitnesspal app to the right!)
- Body Fat: 74.7 lbs
- Body Fat %: 37.2%
- Water %: 45.8%
- Bone %: 6.9%
- BMI: 33.5
- Highest weigh-in to date: 243.5 lbs on 3/11/2008 (The day I went in to labor with Aiden. Not sure if I had been higher. I do remember wearing 18 mostly & being sized at a 22 for a bridesmaids dress.)
- Weight goal: 134 lbs (Last seen in High School when I was running and watching what I ate)
Progress
- Bought more yummy Life Choice Wellness bars for a quick protein dose while chasing the kiddies. Lilli loves them too! She thinks they’re chocolate bars so she splits one for a snack. She’s happy and I’m happy that at the very least she’s getting a healthier chocolate.
- Made a list of healthy & eat clean recipes to revamp the daily cooking for my family. Picked up some pumpkin flax granola to do something yummy with first and foremost! On Tuesday, we went food shopping with our more food conscious list. Filled the refrigerator with tons of yummy stuff! There is definitely a more taste friendly healthy food out there now than there was 15 years ago!
- Bought my own shaker cup, better ear buds and better padded socks. Got out of the house and walked my butt off! 2.97 – 3.48 mph while pushing the kidlets in the double jogger. I did a total of 9.6 miles this week!
- Printed out all my skinny me pictures. They are now mocking me every time I go near the refrigerator. Yes, for me guilt is necessary!
- Filled out a workout calendar mainly using the Blogilates subscription’s monthly one, adding in the group events and my own neighborhood walking.
September 21, 2012: Weight Loss: Little things ARE big things to some!
I found a smile come to my face this week over a lot of things. I’m in my pre-Isabel jeans again! They are actually going on without a struggle too. And for the other women out there…you know exactly what I mean. No hold your breath to zippering! I went to have a physical. It was actually my first physical that didn’t have anything to do with pre-natal or post natal in about 5-6 years! The hubby has weighed in at 18 pounds lost since May!
So here’s my words of wisdom for those “joining” me by reading this weekly posting. Every step forward is one less backwards. Every time you swap that soda for ice water, you’ve already made a difference. It’s not all about big victories. It’s about winning the little ones. I started this the same day as my husband. He’s doing phenomenal, but that’s his way. He doubles up PT and cuts out the McD’s. My way is slower because I want it to be. I need it to be. I need subtle small switches. The smaller the switch, the less I notice and the less I think about switching back. Find the way you know you need to do this and stick to it.
- Weight: 200.3 lbs today
- Body Fat: 74 lbs
- Body Fat %: 37%
- Water %: 45.9%
- Bone %: 6.9%
- BMI: 33.3
- Highest weigh-in to date: 243.5 lbs on 3/11/2008 (The day I went in to labor with Aiden. Not sure if I had been higher. I do remember wearing 18 mostly & being sized at a 22 for a bridesmaids dress.)
- Weight goal: 134 lbs (Last seen in High School when I was running and watching what I ate)
Progress
- Set a goal of walking/jogging 10 miles a week. This week I did 10.28 miles!
- Started C25K! I’m not a runner by any means so bear with me.
- Back into the pre-Isabel capris!!! AND the hubs is down 18 lbs!!!
- I stumbled upon this blog and about half way through I got teary eyed. http://flintland.blogspot.com/2012/05/hey-fat-girl.html
- Filled out a workout calendar mainly using the Blogilates subscription’s monthly one, adding in the new groups’ events and my own neighborhood walking.
- Blogilates – KILLING myself with the arm challenges. They’re only 5 minutes so I just cannot rationalize not having time for them!!!
- Been looking into a nutrition supplement to help. Stay tuned!
Recipes tried this week!
- Skinny Baked Broccoli Macaroni and Cheese Recipe http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2012/01/skinny-baked-broccoli-macaroni-and.html
- Pasta with Fresh Tomato Sauce http://www.marthastewart.com/904229/pasta-fresh-tomato-sauce
- Pumpkin Crunch Parfait
- Grilled Zucchini Pizza Slices http://www.kalynskitchen.com/2010/08/recipe-for-grilled-zucchini-pizza.html
- 100-Calorie Pumpkin Pie Tartlets http://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/143975/100-Calorie-Pumpkin-Pie-Tartlets/detail.aspx
- Parmesan-Roasted Cauliflower Recipe http://www.prevention.com/biggest-loser-recipes-19
- Personal Sized Baked Oatmeal with Individual Toppings: Gluten Free & Diabetic Friendly (we used steel cut oats) http://www.sugarfreemom.com/recipes/personal-sized-baked-oatmeal-with-individual-toppings-gluten-free-diabetic-friendly/
September 24, 2012: The Why.
The one question that I keep getting now is why. I wish I could say that it’s an easy answer but I’d being lying. There’s so many reasons why I felt the need to do this in my life. It may not be the reasons people assume when you say you want to lose 60 pounds. I am happy for the first time in my life in my own skin. I have a man that loves me to the moon and back. We have three children together that I absolutely love to pieces. I have rid myself of the unsupportive people and begun my journey for me. On a daily basis, I’m sewing for Nicole Michelle’s Creations, blogging, managing a support page Shop Military Spouse Made, attending school for my BA and maintaining our household. Right now, I have it all. Well I almost do. My final step for me is to find a way to overcome my biggest worries of my weight.
First off, here’s how I got here. I was a little chubby kid but never to a point of worry. It was as I got older that the issues started. My real father is a physical fitness fanatic. Well, our weekends together consisted of him being at the gym and telling me that I needed to exercise because I was fat. It was also supported by his girlfriend’s nephew who used to make comments about an elephant walking in the room with an “oh wait! It’s just Nik”. There was no support there. No matter what I did or said it never stopped. Others would join in with him because he was the older one. He was the one the rest followed. Instead I found comfort in the bottom of a full size Doritos bag. I would go back home and my mom would not keep a lot of bad foods in the house but my mentality was already shot. Then one day I found a notebook where my step dad made a derogatory comment about how fat I was. Now I looked at myself like what was the point of trying? I was alone.
When high school started, I really felt out of place. It was at this point I began watching what I was eating because I did not see myself as pretty. At the same time, I was in full blown puberty and I sprouted 5 inches in one summer. My body was shifting and the weight was just falling off, so I ate less because I needed it more. Weighing myself became an addiction. I could not stop. I did not think that I was “normal” or even close to skinny. The numbers needed to get lower. Suddenly, my real father and everyone began to talk about how great I looked. They were proud of me. I had to keep going. I needed to be beautiful. It started to go too far. I was eating 5 carrot sticks for breakfast and the same for lunch. Chewing gum was my snack. No one noticed what I was doing but they all noticed how I looked so I continued and started running too. I fell into the horrible hole fast. Suddenly I was starving and began to binge. Well you know what comes next. It was probably only a couple weeks into the purging that I got caught. I had to come out to my mom. I’ve never gone back down that road again, but weight loss takes much more of me than anything else. I have to be sure that my head is in the right place and that I do not let that nasty disorder take over again.
As time passed by, I would gain 20 and lose 10 then gain 30 and lose 15. I could never go back. Not even the closest people knew the way I really saw everything. As well as my depression of my weight, I found myself in a bit of financial trouble. It’s then that I found I was a emotional shopper. My waitressing could not handle my spending. I was a twenty one year old with a very large lump of debt. It led to more hours, more depression and finally bankruptcy. It was then that I began to come to term with my problems. I was at rock bottom emotionally. I had to overcome all the pressures or just lay down and die. But the latter was not an option to me. I started to be more active and watch what I ate for levels that were too much and more so too little. Things were finally getting better. I was growing into my own. I had been healing from my past and working towards a future. That’s when I met my ex-husband.
I am sure that gives you a small insight to where this story is going. My ex-husband depended on me fully for financial support after our first year together. It was a fairy tale turn horror story. The money was only one of the many issues. He was a cheater. He would leave the house while I was lying in bed after facet injections to go and cheat on me. He cheated physically and emotionally. All of his words were lies except for the ones about me. I got into a bad car accident and let myself go. My husband at the time would not accept me and would not stop the lying or the cheating. I loved him. I supported. I worked overtime and had a consultant job on the side for him. He stripped me of everything I had worked so hard on. It took a lot for me to leave. And when I finally left, I was in shambles and barely emotionally living. I was eating myself to a size twenty and going to work everyday was a hard task. Because we were married I was working to still pay our bills until the divorce was final. Financially, emotionally and physically…I was at my lowest of lows.
I met Adrian while in that low. He quickly became my person. He was my person I went to for kind and healing words. With his help, I began to fix me. We met months later and he’s been my person ever since. Yes, we’ve had our ups and downs but it was our growing pains. For those that have read about our story, I left my home and my job to be with him. He has supported our family in every way. My husband has loved me at my heaviest, my weakest and my lowest. Adrian has given me the ability to finally close the chapter of life working on my relationships with men. Now it is time to work on me again and to be able to help take care of him how he has for us.
What I really want…
September 28, 2012: Weight Loss: The Challenge
Adrian and I made a decision this week. It’s something that we had been really talking about for a good while. We’ve worked on changing what’s in the cabinets. We’ve changed our way of cooking. Improved our lifestyle. Well, I have more so since he has PT everyday. Now it’s time to take another step.
Combined we’ve lost 29 lbs but our goals still have a ways before they’re reached. We have joined MLM for the 90-Day Challenge We will be entering in for a couples challenge. Yes, I also did become a distributor. The simplified why? It’s the best tasting (plus tons of recipes) I’ve ever had and trust you me…battling this weight all my life I know all about gagging down the “good for you” drinks. Well I cannot do that anymore. I don’t want to give up my yummy tasting food and drinks for something that just doesn’t even compare! That’s why those other ways didn’t work for me. The quality of life with food stunk!
- Weight: 198.7 lbs today
- 90 Day Challenge loss: 1.3 lbs
- Body Fat: 73 lbs
- Body Fat %: 36.8%
- Water %: 46.1%
- Bone %: 6.9%
- BMI: 33.0
- Highest weigh-in to date: 243.5 lbs on 3/11/2008 (The day I went in to labor with Aiden. Not sure if I had been higher. I do remember wearing 18 mostly & being sized at a 22 for a bridesmaids dress.)
- Weight goal: 134 lbs (Last seen in High School when I was running and watching what I ate)
Progress
- 11.2 miles walked this week!
- Nutrition & weight loss supplement found! Shakes! The hubby and I started the 90 Challenge on Wednesday.
- Fell in love with these recipe websites; The Fit Cook, He and She Eat Clean and Skinny Taste
- I am still doing my Blogilates youtube videos that I love. The challenges are awesome. Love pushing myself!
- While walking, I’ve been using a waist trimmer. I haven’t been measuring the difference but I will say that my skin feels tighter and the stretch marks are starting to not be as apparent!
Recipes tried this week!
- Spinach Lasagna Rolls http://www.skinnytaste.com/2010/02/spinach-lasagna-rolls.html
- Skinny Spinach and Bacon Stuffed Mushrooms http://www.skinnytaste.com/2012/01/skinny-spinach-and-bacon-stuffed.html
- Grilled Bruschetta Chicken {Recipe} http://twentyfivedesignblog.com/2012/08/16/grilled-bruschetta-chicken-recipe/
- Tomato-Zucchini Bake http://www.health.com/health/recipe/0,,10000001906403,00.html
- Oven Baked Zucchini Chips http://www.nutritionistinthekitch.com/2012/08/07/oven-baked-zucchini-chips/
- Healthy Banana Bread Recipe With Chia and Flaxseeds http://www.fitsugar.com/Healthy-Banana-Bread-Recipe-Chia-Flaxseeds-20181238
- Fix and Forget Friday – Crock Pot Chicken Fajitas http://www.stacymakescents.com/fix-and-forget-friday-crock-pot-chicken-fajitas
October 5, 2012: Weight Loss: Motivation is contagious.
Last week I was totally taken back by something a dear friend did for me. She had been reading up on my journey and felt motivated again. I must say that I look at her in awe. I’m not sure if it was two years ago that it started but she decided to go on a journey of her own. Before I knew it I was looking at pictures of her running 5Ks and looking fabulous! Recently, she had life take over on her but she said that my words helped her get back to her fitness. I found out by receiving an email from FitBit. It had a note on it that she felt inspired and sent me a FitBit to help me. I’m not a very emotional person (well when not pregnant) and I got all teary eyed!
She is my favorite college roommate (Haha!) and I’m so happy that I could give her inspiration. Blogging my journey was something I was doing to keep me accountable but something amazing is happening too. I’m hearing that I’m motivating people. That could not make me happier!
- Weight: 197.0 lbs today
- Total loss: 11.6 lbs
- 90 Day Challenge loss: 3.0 lbs
- BMI: 32.8
- Highest weigh-in to date: 243.5 lbs on 3/11/2008 (The day I went in to labor with Aiden. Not sure if I had been higher. I do remember wearing 18 mostly & being sized at a 22 for a bridesmaids dress.)
- Weight goal: 134 lbs (Last seen in High School when I was running and watching what I ate)
Progress
- Love this blog! If you have the time, read her weight-life transformation! http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/2012/09/26/how-often-do-you-weigh-yourself/
- This may seem silly to everyone but I didn’t really grasp the thought of the less you eat, the lower your metabolism. Don’t ask me why. I haven’t the slightest clue! It probably makes my weight battle story more understandable.
- 20.42 miles walked this week! I blame the shakes and the FitBit for engaging my competitive nature and giving me the energy to do it!
- Been utilizing nap time for Blogilates #OMGOctober calendar!
- Oh and here’s another one to stick into your brain…Fresh > Frozen > Canned
- FitBit links to MyFitnessPal!!!!
Recipes tried this week!
- Asian Chicken with Wild Rice & Broccoli
- Oreo Cheesecake Shake
- Orange Dream Shake
- Cafe Mocha Shake
October 12, 2012: Weight Loss: Couch potato!
This week I found another one of my friends and somewhat of a fitness inspiration to me was motivated by my journey. I really cannot tell you enough how that just fills me with happiness. It honestly makes me feel as though I have paid back to them the motivation they originally gave for me to start this journey.
Now on to the big new thought for the week. I have always looked at runners in awe. Don’t know exactly why but I have. I want to have that title. It’s as though they have a freeness to them like they are just untouchable. That being said I have decided to enter into a 5K come spring. I am going to give myself ample time to train and prepare. So far I am getting faster with my walking and I have added in running intervals on some of the days. Trying to get my lungs and legs to catch up to my heart and mind with this thought. A 5K isn’t all that much but for a non-runner like me…it’s huge! So…”no matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch.” Living and breathing it. The hubby said he’d even enter with me and we could look into getting a single jogging stroller for Izzy to join in on the family exercising. He’s such an awesome motivator and supporter!
- Weight: 196.2 lbs today
- Total loss: 12.4 lbs
- 90 Day Challenge loss: 3.8 lbs
- BMI: 32.6
- Highest weigh-in to date: 243.5 lbs on 3/11/2008 (The day I went in to labor with Aiden. Not sure if I had been higher. I do remember wearing 18 mostly & being sized at a 22 for a bridesmaids dress.)
- Weight goal: 134 lbs (Last seen in High School when I was running and watching what I ate)
Progress
- Started walk/run intervals. Did the 2.25 miles in 34 mins.
- 2 Weeks of the Challenge and feeling great about my food intake. Not super hungry. Down to small meals and snacks throughout the entire day. NO DIGESTION SLEEPINESS!
- Broke out the blankets for the kids to keep walking with me.
- 17.39 miles walked this week! Earned a new Fitbit badge for 50 miles
- Working heavy on my arms in preparation for the Marine Corps Ball! I bought a strapless dress from a friend and I want to look as fabulous as she did in it!
- Been utilizing nap time for Blogilates #OMGOctober calendar!
- Got a foam roller to help with muscle stretching! I love to hate this thing!
Recipes tried this week!
- Petite Lasagnas http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/2010/11/04/petite-lasagnas/
- Chicken Tortilla Soup http://mycharmedlife10.blogspot.com/2012/09/pinterest-weekly-meal-plan.html
- Lighter Chicken Enchiladas http://www.marthastewart.com/318900/lighter-chicken-enchiladas
- Italian Stuffed Peppers
Takeaway
Yep, that was still a lot for me to go back and see. There are some things that make me so proud of the person I was and how reflective I was and how curious I was and then I also sit here and say… WOW. I really had no clue. I thought I did. I truly did. But I did not. LOL!
And it’s funny because I now talk to clients about saving the kind words or comments or the little things that happen along the way in their “hype file”. I got the idea to title it the “hype file” from Marie Forleo’s book Everything is Figureoutable, but it’s something that I did all along. Anytime people gave me some kindness… I stored it away and looked back on it when I was feeling low. it made things feel less lonely and less hard and sometimes it was all I needed to just get back up and get back outside again.
I think the best things that I can leave you with after this…
Write your why. It very well may change a lot over the course of the years, but write it down.
Be curious! Look for the new and exciting… find something that just kind of scares you a little bit! That’s a sign that it might be something that is going to stretch you.
Collect the kindness. Sometimes the world and life is really hard and if you have these kindnesses to look back on, it might just be enough to get you up and moving again when you’re feeling down.
