Week 1-8 of the Weight Loss Journey to Lose 135 lbs.

Here we go.

*BIG BREATH IN AND HOLDING IT*

I have debated putting this all back out there for quite some time now.

When I began on the journey that actually worked out, I blogged. And I blogged everything. And I am finding through the course of working with over 1000 clients that the education that I have gained and passed on; the empathy and the genuine care that I have for my clients; AND my story are the things that have helped the most.

For a while, I tried not to include much of my story because I wanted more than anything for the coaching experience with me to be completely and 100% about the person I was working with, but I felt like there was a gap. Some clients would look at me and question if I understood where they came from. I don’t look how I once did. I don’t have visible telltale signs that I was once morbidly obese. I am just a person in the nutrition and fitness industry sitting in front of them sans the 135 lbs that would visibly tell a different story.

The truth is though that I have battled my entire life with obesity, and I would even dare to include the last 10 years. And I would include the last 10 years because I do not believe that obesity simply affects the physical, but it also affects the mental and emotional. There’s a certain spillover for some of the other things that happen when you are a person battling with obesity that stays with you. And allowing my story to be known, has helped bridge a gap that has allowed me to meet people closer to where they are. They know that I do understand. I have had a lot of situations where I was guilted or shamed in public or in private due to my size. I have experienced the mental and emotional toll that may come with that side of life.

So with all of that being said… let me paint the picture of life right before this blog & its posts began.

In 2012, I was not at my heaviest. I don’t honestly know when my heaviest was because I did not weigh myself ever, and I did not even own a scale. I can tell you that I was in a size 22 to 24 in dresses and pants, and wearing two XL or three XL women’s shirts at my heaviest. When I met my husband and I got pregnant with our son, I was weighed at seven weeks pregnant and my weight at the time was 265 pounds. That was in 2007 and after his birth, I did come down to 212 pounds or so. We moved to NC. I had gallstones and an emergent gallbladder removal. And then my weight went back up with the pregnancy of my first daughter. My weight came back down after she was born and it was not in a healthy way. I was eating M&Ms and drinking coffee all day long because I was stressed and running a seamstress Etsy business. I did not really consume anything else. Things backfired, and I began to regain a good amount of weight when we had to move again to CA. In the middle of the move, I got pregnant with my second daughter. My weight shot right back up and then we moved. That brings me to where these blogs begin.

DISCLAIMER: I am posting word for word where I was over 10 years ago, and I am not editing. I am allowing you to see exactly what was happening and what I was posting before becoming a nutritionist trainer who followed an evidence-based practice. There were also some moments where I did not actually know that my heaviest weight was 265 pounds until I stumbled upon an old medical record.

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June 1, 2012: Weight Loss: First comes honesty

For the last decade I have lived in a bigger body than I really enjoy to.  Through the start and fall of my first marriage to meeting my husband to having 3 beautiful kidlets…food has always stayed by my side.  I wouldn’t trade the experiences of the last decade for anything.  I just want the old me.  The me that wasn’t dreading walking into a store to find something that would just fit.  I want to see the me that went into the store to simply buy something else to show me off.  You know…that feel good purchase!  Instead my feel goods have been Wawa’s sandwiches, McD’s fries, Starbucks’ lattes, Wendy’s spicy chicken and PIZZA.  Lots and lots of PIZZA!  But I’m ready to move on.  This love affair has not been as kind to me…more of a one meal stand and lots of regret.

Here’s me at my worst (6 years ago and + 39 lbs), in between and at my best (13 years ago and – 62 lbs).

So here’s the serious part now.  I want to take back my body.  I want to wear that dress one more time.  I’m putting this out there because I need to be able to hold myself accountable.  I need to have a venting post as well as a cheering squad.  My road to that dress starts here and now.

Picture snapped.  Measured and Weighed.

39 pounds down.  62 pounds to go.

June 8, 2012: Weight Loss Week 1

The first week went by…  Down 2 pounds & 4 3/4 inches.

Last week when I first blogged about all of this I have to also say…I bought a bikini.  I plan on wearing it next year.  Even did the whole “Before” picture thing…  Don’t worry!  Not posting those!  I don’t want to scare people or give small children nightmares!

I’ve been trading in my soda for water.  It hasn’t been all that bad really.  We have the dispenser on our refrigerator here and I only really like cold cold ice water so that’s worked.  I haven’t felt a difference like most people would because I was only drinking caffeine free to start.  Still breast feeding Izzy so I always need to watch that!

We did have goodies at our housewarming party but I can say that I didn’t overly indulge.  I’ve cut back on the Dunkin Donuts & Starbucks trips.  Cut back on the candy.  I have been still snacking on cookies but I imagine over the next few weeks I can find something to help tone down my sweet tooth.

I have still been super duper active but it’s more sporadic activity than anything else.  We pulled apart every last moving box.  Organized the garage.  Painted in the kids’ rooms.  I can however say that I have started trying to get in some kind of exercise before bed even if it’s just sit ups and push ups (hey…the 10 I can do count for something!).

Goals:  Trying to not get down and out about it.  I know that trying to change my lifestyle isn’t going to be easy. Never expected it to be.  I just want to be healthy.  It’s been 5 years since the peak of my weight hit and 3 years since I quit smoking.  I just need to keep progressing.

BIG DEAL:  Kids are off the sippy cups.  They are also not drinking as much sugary juice.  They are ASKING! for water now.  This is so huge for us.  Words can’t explain it.  I want to make a personal change but I also want my kids to not struggle like I always have with my weight.  If I give them the tools now by the time they’re adults they won’t have to do all of this!

Needs:  I need some kind of structure I think.  I need something that I can make a habit.  If I can get my OCD to adopt it then I’ll easily overcome all of this.

June 15, 2012: Week 2: Weight loss

Same weight but down 6 inches!  Just goes to show you that your scale isn’t necessarily your friend even when you’re trying to get healthy.  

Now I haven’t been the greatest regarding my foods that I’m eating BUT I haven’t been the worst either!  For me it’s a slow process.  I need it to be.  I’ve never been a cold turkey quitter and I want to make this a life change not just a number change.  They come and go.

Goals:  To work more on cooking regularly.  I’ve found so many awesome healthier recipes but I keep “not having time”.  Well I need to make time.  This is my health and my family’s health at stake here.  If I instill this in my children now, I hope and pray that they won’t battle weight like I always have.  

BIG DEAL:  I finally opened my kettle bell weight set box.  I bought this about a 1 1/2 years ago and there it sat.  It sat while I complained about my chubby arms.  Well no more!  I have put them out in the open and have been adding arm exercises to my daily routine.  That’s right…daily routine!  Still doing crunches, butt lifts and push ups everyday!

Needs:  To conquer the dreaded sweet/salty tooth!

June 21, 2012: Week 3: Weight Loss

I’m starting to feel like the title “weight loss” is jinxing me.  I have yet to move in my actual weight but I am seeing a different in inches.  For this week, I’m down another 3.5″.  That makes for a grand total of 8.75″ in 3 weeks!

I found this picture the other day while trying to decorate the house.  It’s the closest picture I have to me at my worst.  Granted…I was 5 months pregnant but you wouldn’t be able to tell.  The tent they called a dress covered everything very well.  I think wearing what felt like 20 pounds of fabric was the line in the sand with me.  Seriously, how did I let it get that bad?  How was I so unaware?

ANYWAY!  Those days are gone and now to my here and now push.

GOALS:  Need to kick up the cardio.  I think my body has been in a skinnying but not so healthy state for a while so time to really get moving.

BIG DEAL:  I have forced the hubby to get down on the floor and do them with me.  I’m a firm believer that if we are both in this for the long term weight loss/healthy living goal than it’ll be easier doing it all together.

NEEDS:   This last week has been slow and steady.  I’m continuing everything that I’ve been doing with exercises.  I’ve added a few just to keep being able to change things up.  Boredom is my worst enemy for sure.

June 29, 2012: Week 4: Weight Loss

Week 4 is here!  Down a total of 10.75″.  No weight loss but hey…that’s no so bad.  I have to keep telling myself.  The pre-pregnancy smaller size pants in the closet fit so stop looking at the scale and being an idiot.

This is a big week.  My body is not going to like it that’s for sure.  This is the end of the “warm up”.  Now I need to step it up.  There’s no more excuses that I’m out of shape or I can’t just jump into something.  It’s now or never.  I want this.  I want it bad.

To help my new cause I dusted off the sneakers I bought while still over in Cali.  I have flat feet so my feet, heels and shins HATE me when I try to get serious.  This just seriously couldn’t continue.  After posting on Facebook to my friends for advice, they let me in on the fact that there are shoes that aren’t threw the roof expensive that could help me!  I don’t know if I didn’t know that because I chose to be ignorant or what but you have no idea how much nicer it is with these sneakers.  That’s right…sneakers.  Not tennis shoes.  Sneakers.  Hehe.

Goals:  Starting either XBox Kinect (to beat the heat) or get moving outside!  AND push my little routine to a higher level!

BIG DEAL:  We’ve stopped with the processed foods overwhelming our cabinets.  Both fresh food drawers in the refrigerator are stocked to the brim!

Needs:  Motivation!  I think it’s time to bring on the guilt and print my skinny self pictures to hang every where.  I think I’m going to need her encouragement!

July 6, 2012: Week 5: Weight Loss

No results.

I took a week off.  I think it was a necessary week off even though I’m not too thrilled about it. Something I was doing put some serious strain on my back.  For those of you that don’t know me as well…that’s kind of my Achilles heel.  Back in 2003, I was in a bad accident that really did a number.  I think once all was said and done with the different tests they figured me to have 2 herniated & 1 bulging disc in my cervical and 1 herniated & 3 bulging discs in my lumbar.  I may have those numbers off but you get the general idea.  It’s not really something I bring up, think about or really mention too much.  I’ve learned to deal with it.

Goals:  Get back on track!  AND step up the pace!

BIG DEAL:  We have sorted through our recipes and made the decision to find a way to make our favs healthier!  That and we pulled our Ninja blender back out of the box.

Needs:  To stay focused!  This is the point that I always start to slack off instead of continuing on to make a habit.

July 28, 2012: Weight Loss: Fell off the wagon

I am a stress eater.  I can’t seem to get my stuff together when stress hits.  You have no idea how much I wish I was the opposite but I cannot seem to convert.  When I’m stressed I eat.  When I’m angry I clean.  When I’m sad I mope.  When I’m happy I do.  We are all just a creature of habits.

I started my stress eating at a very young age I think.  I remember cousins making fun of me for how I sounded like an elephant stomping when I walked around.  Then there was my father.  He was and is still I think a total health freak.  He never helped.  Just told I need to go to the gym with him because I was fat.  There was also this notebook I found one day from my step dad saying I was fat.  Needless to say  I never had a lot of support from the men in my life to help me not eat.  I just kinda dove in to food because if it was every where that I was fat than why try to be thin?

My issues with food got worse when I went to high school.  I don’t think anyone noticed but I wasn’t eating at all.  High school was my way to reinvent me.  And the new me wanted to be thin.  I ran.  I didn’t eat.  I tried to throw up.  And I got caught by my mom.  The only family member who ever noticed anything in my life.  I broke.  And now I battle even harder.

I actually have the opposite image in my head…I think I’m skinnier than I am and then I buy clothes & cry.  They never look right.  I wish I was more comfortable in the skin I’m in but I’m not.  My husband helps.  He really does.  He fell in love with me when I was at my heaviest.  That man…he’s truly something amazing.  I just wish he was a steady reminder but at the same time I don’t want him to be.  I need to be my own steady reminder when it comes to better eating habits and exercising.  I need to be the one.  It needs to be for me.

Here it is.  I vow to make smarter decisions in what I eat.  To not allow my stress dictate what happens with my goal of personal healthiness.  To not listen to the negative memories or people.  To believe that my husband will love me no matter what and remind myself that this is for me.

I can do this.

I will do this.

From me now

And one of my specialties that my clients know…

One take videos 🖤

I mean it.

It’s messy.

It’s hard.

It’s crazy.

And the only way that you truly fail is by quitting.