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The Middle Is Where Most Of Life Happens… the (gray) space between “healthy” & “indulgent”

ByNicole Doria

I recently saw a graphic that stuck with me.

There was a line running across the page. On one end were all the foods we tend to label as “healthy”… fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, minimally processed foods. On the other end were foods people usually call “junk”… cookies, chips, ice cream, brownies.

But what caught my attention wasn’t the ends of the line.

It was the middle.

As the line moved across the page, the foods started to blend together. Peanut butter. Bread. Sushi. Protein bars. Pancakes. Wraps. Pizza. Foods that don’t fit neatly into a box. Foods that can support health… and can also be overdone. Foods that feel confusing when you’ve been taught to think in extremes.

That’s where real life happens.

Not on the edges… but in the middle.

And that’s exactly where most people struggle.

It’s All Just Food

When you really look at it… what do you see?

Salmon next to chips. A protein shake next to a cupcake. A salad next to pizza. A smoothie bowl next to a milkshake.

None of those things are inherently better or worse than the others.

They’re all just… food.

I know that might sound like a bold statement. Especially if you’ve spent years being told that some foods are “good” and others are “bad.” That eating a brownie means you messed up, and eating a chicken breast means you’re on track.

But what if we stopped thinking about it that way?

What if, instead of labeling everything we eat as good or bad, we started asking a different question entirely…

What value does this food bring me right now?

Why Food Categories Mess With Our Heads

Most of us were taught to think about food in categories.

  • Good.
  • Bad.
  • Clean.
  • Junk.
  • Safe.
  • Off-limits.

Those categories weren’t created because they were accurate. They were created because they feel simple. They give the brain something solid to grab onto when food feels overwhelming.

The problem is… food doesn’t actually work that way.

Labeling foods as “healthy” or “unhealthy” doesn’t teach discernment. It teaches fear. And once fear enters the picture, decision-making gets cloudy fast.

Suddenly you’re not asking:

“What would support me right now?”

You’re asking:

  • “Am I allowed to eat this?”
  • “Did I mess this up?”
  • “Do I need to make up for this later?”

That’s not nutrition. That’s anxiety.

The Middle Is Where Context Matters

The foods that live in the middle are the ones that depend on context.

And this is the part that I think a lot of people miss. Value isn’t always about macros. It’s not always about calories or protein grams or hitting a number in an app.

Value isn’t universal. It’s personal.

  • Sometimes value looks like a piece of cake at your daughter’s birthday party because the joy of celebrating with her matters more than what the frosting adds up to in your tracker.
  • Sometimes value looks like a protein shake after a workout because your body needs to recover and you’re running out the door.
  • Sometimes value looks like ordering the pasta you’ve been craving all week because your mental health needs a break from restriction… and that matters too.
  • Sometimes value is a comfort food that reminds you of your mom’s kitchen. Or a meal shared with your best friend at 11pm. Or a slice of pizza after a long, exhausting day where you didn’t have the energy to cook.

Food doesn’t just bring nutrients. It brings satisfaction, comfort, energy, digestion support, social connection, and joy. Pretending that only nutrients count is how people end up overeating the very foods they’re trying to avoid.

Value shifts. It changes depending on where you are in your life, what your body needs, and what your heart needs in that moment. And that’s okay.

But Why Does This Actually Matter?

A lot of us grew up in a world of black and white when it came to food. You were either “on the diet” or “off the diet.” You were either eating clean or you were eating junk. There was no in-between.

But that all-or-nothing way of thinking? It’s exhausting. And it doesn’t actually work long-term.

I’ve seen it over and over again… in my own journey and with the people I work with. People swing hard toward restriction. They white-knuckle their way through days of “perfect” eating. And then something tips the scale… a birthday, a bad day, a craving that won’t go away… and they swing just as hard in the other direction. Because there was no middle ground to land on.

The middle is the answer.

Not perfect. Not restricted. Not guilty. Not reckless.

Just… intentional.

Living in the middle means you can enjoy a brownie without spiraling. It means you can eat a protein-packed meal and feel good about fueling your body and you can grab a slice of pizza without it meaning your whole week fell apart.

It means food stops being the enemy and starts being exactly what it’s always been… something that nourishes us, connects us, and brings us joy.

Where the 80/20 Mindset Actually Helps

I talk about an 80/20 mindset a lot… and I want to be clear about how I use it.

Not as a rule.

Not as a quota.

Not as something to “earn.”

For many people coming out of diet mentality, 80/20 can be a temporary framework. A way to relearn trust without swinging to extremes.

When food feels scarce and scary, structure can help calm the nervous system. Having a loose framework can create enough safety to start including foods again… intentionally, not impulsively.

Most of the time (80%), you choose foods that support how you want to feel physically.

Some of the time (20%), you choose foods that support how you want to feel emotionally or socially.

Both count.

The goal of 80/20 isn’t to live there forever. The goal is to move away from fear. To stop treating certain foods like they hold power over you. To build confidence in your ability to include things without spiraling.

The problem isn’t the 20%.

The problem is when the 20% comes with guilt… or when the 80% becomes so rigid that life feels smaller.

Let’s Talk About “Wasting” Food

This one comes up a lot… and it’s deeply ingrained.

Many of us were taught that leaving food on our plate is wasteful. That finishing everything is respectful. That stopping when you’re full is somehow wrong.

But here’s the reframe I want you to consider:

  • If you’re eating past fullness out of obligation…
  • If you’re uncomfortable, sluggish, or not feeling well afterward…
  • If you’re consuming food your body doesn’t actually need in that moment…

That food isn’t adding value anymore.

It’s taking it.

Overconsuming doesn’t honor the food.

It doesn’t honor your body either.

You’re not “wasting” food by listening to your body. You’re using food for its intended purpose… to nourish and support you, not to override your signals.

Sometimes the most respectful choice is stopping.

Intentional Doesn’t Mean Perfect

This is the part I want to be very clear about.

This isn’t about eating whatever you want, whenever you want, without awareness.

And it’s also not about choosing the “healthiest” option at all costs.

Intentional eating means:

  • You notice.
  • You choose.
  • You own the choice.

Food chosen with intention doesn’t require punishment later.

It doesn’t need compensation.

It doesn’t turn into a story about discipline or failure.

One meal doesn’t build progress.

And one meal doesn’t undo it either.

The Real Goal Isn’t Balance… It’s Trust

Trust that your body gives you information.

Trust that satisfaction matters.

Trust that you don’t need rigid rules to make thoughtful decisions.

The middle isn’t a gray area to fear.

It’s the space where flexibility meets consistency.

It’s where real life actually happens.

And that’s exactly where progress is built… one intentional choice at a time.

I hope that helps!

With love, Coach Nik

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