Goals: Actually Getting Started & Perfectionism

Hey hey! So here we are… We’ve reached the middle to the end of February.

How are you progressing with the goals you’ve set at the beginning of the year?

Have you been able to get any momentum?

Have you given up?

Given up before you really started?

If we sit here and start to think about some of the different things that we said, in the beginning of the year… sure, it might be time to question what we set in place but really, it might be better to look at why we didn’t get started.

What is it that we’re waiting for?

Are we looking for something new on the timeline or a spot to open up?

Do we need a new year, a new month, or a Monday to take on new endeavors?

There’s really never going to be a good time. It doesn’t exist. There is just time. And you have to see what can fit in that. Be radically honest with yourself with what you can make happen during different moments and just get started.

But you’re here right now and I got you though. So let’s take a look at some of the typical things that have a tendency to pop up, be on the mind or simply are hurdles that are ingrained in us…that stand in our way until we can acknowledge them.

Time Hurdles

What if you had one shot or one opportunity… to seize everything…

Ok… I could not resist but seriously, I doubt you would tell people to hold off on that job or house closing until Monday. Just food for thought here.

Are you setting up for failure?

Anyone who has been in the military atmosphere or in the house with a toddler and no help knows that you cannot wait. Life is inherently imperfect, and so too should be our journey toward personal development.

So, how can we turn things around? Consider the things you can do consistently, even on the toughest days. Those are the areas where you should focus your energy. Those are the realistic starting points.

• If you can’t achieve 10,000 steps but can manage 5,000 while pacing your house with a sick child, adjust your daily step goal to 5,000.
• If you are having trouble getting a fruit or vegetable in every meal and snack, aim for 2-3 a day only.
• If you can’t make it to the gym five days a week due to only having a certain time to get everything in during your daytime hours, set your goal for the 2-3 consistently available days.
• If finding time to read for 20-30 minutes a day is challenging, make it a goal to read just one page every night.

Need a little more structure than that for your type A heart?

SMART goals provide a clear and specific target, include a measurable metric, are realistic and achievable with a proper plan, align with broader health objectives, and have a defined timeframe for accomplishment.

Here’s an example of a SMART goal for weight loss:

• Specific: “I will lose 10 pounds in the next 10 weeks.”
• Measurable: “I will track my progress by weighing myself every week on the same day.”
• Achievable: “I will achieve this weight loss goal by adopting a balanced diet and incorporating regular exercise, aiming for a caloric deficit of 500 calories per day.”
• Relevant: “This goal aligns with my overall health objectives and will contribute to improving my fitness level and well-being.”
• Time-bound: “I will accomplish this goal within the next 10 weeks, with weekly check-ins to assess my progress and make adjustments if needed.”

Here’s a valuable insight from the University of Michigan on changing perfectionistic behaviors for goal setting. Coping with Perfectionism

Goal setting is very important in helping perfectionists change their behavior. However, perfectionism is not the standard by which one should measure healthy goal setting. So what is the difference between healthy goal setting and perfectionistic goal setting?

Healthy Goal Setting:

• Based on wants and desires
• Healthy goals are one step beyond present or previous achievements
• Pleasure can be derived from the process of working towards the goal
• Disapproval or failure can be seen as to a specific situation.

Perfectionist Goal Setting:

• Goals are often based on expectations of others
• Your goal is perfection or the best at all times
• The focus is on the end result; not the process of working towards the goal
• Disapproval or failure is generalized to self worth

University of Michigan

Do the reps

Voltaire said, “The best is the enemy of the good.”

We become stronger, faster, wiser, more efficient, and many other things regarding what we are practicing. What we practice will become our process. Those processes create the path. That path is going to happen no matter what. Doing the reps, make sure that we are actually directing that path where we wanted to go versus it leading us to a place that we didn’t want to be.

Doing the reps from the above SMART goal

While crafting a SMART goal provides a clear roadmap for weight loss, the real magic happens when you commit to “doing the reps” — consistently engaging in actions that align with your goal. Using the previous SMART example, let’s break down what this looks like in practical terms in four areas: nutrition, exercise, mindset, and accountability:

• Specific: “I will lose 10 pounds in the next 10 weeks.”
• Measurable: “I will track my progress by weighing myself every week on the same day.”
• Achievable: “I will achieve this weight loss goal by adopting a balanced diet and incorporating regular exercise, aiming for a caloric deficit of 500 calories per day.”
• Relevant: “This goal aligns with my overall health objectives and will contribute to improving my fitness level and well-being.”
• Time-bound: “I will accomplish this goal within the next 10 weeks, with weekly check-ins to assess my progress and make adjustments if needed.”

Nutrition Reps:

• Plan and prepare meals in advance.
• Choose nutrient-dense foods that support your caloric deficit.
• Practice mindful eating and listen to your body’s hunger cues.
• Stay hydrated throughout the day.

Exercise Reps:

• Schedule walks throughout the day to help with daily activities that aides with weight loss.
• Schedule regular workouts and adhere to the plan.
• Celebrate small victories in your fitness journey.

Mindset Reps:

• Cultivate a positive mindset towards your body and the weight loss process.
• Practice self-compassion, and understanding that setbacks are part of the journey.
• Reflect on your achievements and areas for improvement regularly.

Accountability Reps:

• Engage a support system or accountability partner to share your goals.
• Regularly check in with your progress, celebrating successes and addressing challenges.
• Adjust your plan based on feedback from your body and experiences.

Essentially, “doing the reps” is your way to focus on the daily and weekly actions that align with the goals you have set. These may have setbacks, which will talk about below. These may be undoable. These also will not allow you to see the path you didn’t choose when you did them. But you can always rest a sure that when you focus on the actions that align with the goals that you’re aiming for you will eventually get there.

“When you look at goals this way, you start to realize that setting up a system for putting your reps in is more important than choosing a goal. 

Everyone wants to make progress. And there is only one way to do it: put in your reps.

The goal is just an event — something that you can’t totally control or predict. But the reps are what can make the event happen. If you ignore the outcomes and focus only on the repetitions, you’ll still get results. If you ignore the goals and build habits instead, the outcomes will be there anyway.“

James Clear

Fail Forward

Setbacks, failures, and challenging days are inevitable on our journey. Rather than viewing them as roadblocks, let’s recognize them as stepping stones to growth. It’s within these tough moments that we find the strength to evolve. You should try to embrace the thought of Failing Forward… but how? Read below.

You dared to go out there and try something BUT it didn’t pan out. Now, make sure that you fail forward with reflecting, refiguring, and making sure that you get restarted.

1. Reflecting: Identify setbacks’ root cause—event, routine change, or lapse. Embrace self-compassion, recognizing setbacks as part of the transformative journey. Explore emotions and celebrate achievements amidst setbacks for a positive mindset.
2. Refiguring: Reevaluate goals realistically, adjusting timelines. Adapt strategies by modifying habits and seeking professional support. Develop a flexible plan accommodating uncertainties.
3. Restarting: Set small, attainable goals reflecting the adjusted plan. Apply lessons for informed decisions. Establish a support system for accountability and encouragement during the restart.

Keep your dang promise

Hey, so one more thing here and I cannot stress this enough.

When we make commitments like goals or schedules or set intentions with ourselves, those are promises. Those are moments in time when we are making a promise to ourselves that we are going to do something because it’s what we want to do and what we feel we need to do. In the coaching world, I endlessly hear, “I don’t know why I’m doing this because I don’t want to. But I just keep doing it to myself.” Every single time we say we’re going to do something and we don’t, we are building this monument of self-deception and doubt. The evidence tells us not to do it because we will fail. And there’s only one way through. You have to make good on what you say.

“When you make a goal, you make a promise to yourself. You commit to losing a few pounds, decluttering a closet, starting a blog, or reconnecting with an old friend. The moment you set that goal, you’ve made a silent promise. When you don’t accomplish it, you’ve broken that promise. You’ve deceived the person you spend the most time with: yourself. If you break promises frequently, self-doubt starts to creep in.”

Jon Acuff

And, these books. They changed a lot for me in my pursuit to break free of my own mess.

• Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones by James Clear Amazon Link
• Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff. Amazon Link
• Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking by Jon Acuff. Amazon Link

Takeaway

Perhaps there’s too much emphasis on timing, our circumstances, and our fears of failure and not enough on the actual act of starting and follow-through.

It’s the action itself that gets things done, not waiting for the perfect moment. And then if you fail, you fail forward. Use the setbacks as stepping stones for reflection, reevaluation, and a resilient restart.

The only way… WAIT. NO.

There are two ways that this does not happen for you.

1. You quit.
2. You never start.

So what are you going to do?

Prompts to think about

How are your goals progressing this week? How can you make them less rigid and more consistent? Or did you truly set some remarkable goals this year that you’ve been successfully pursuing?

Additional resources

• Why Trying to Be Perfect Won’t Help You Achieve Your Goals (And What Will) by James Clear
• Coping with Perfectionism
• Re-Wire Your Brain for Weight Loss (Part IV): Perfectionism
• Is Perfectionism Secretly Triggering Your Emotional Eating? by Dr. Melissa McCreery
• CLEANING UP THE MENTAL MESS with Dr. Caroline Leaf
• Unwiring Perfectionism + How Flexible Thinking Can Help Reduce Anxiety & Stress (With Poppy Jamie)