I Am Not Okay: Big Feelings & Weight Management

By far one of the hardest aspects of weight management is feelings. We are emotional creatures. Some of us more than others, but we are emotional creatures nonetheless. It’s part of being human. It’s part of being alive. And the truth is… We are not always completely in control of our emotional responses to different situations. And that is where things get sticky.

When we are feeling negative emotions, many times we are looking for some way to comfort ourselves. Or maybe we’re looking for someway to punish ourselves. Or maybe we’re looking for some way to protect ourselves. No matter what it is… we have a response that we tend to go towards when we feel these negative emotions. They don’t always help us when it comes to our weight management. That could be for a multitude of reasons.

Trust me the reasoning is not limited to just this.

We may seek food that brings us comfort. Food that is from our childhood that had always made us feel good when we got a shot or when we were rewarded for doing something good.
We may seek added exercise. Maybe we feel like we need to burn through what’s inside us. Get the frustration out. We see our pain going in and we leave fatigue so we can’t feel as much.
We may give up on exercise and decide that we need some more rest in recovery. But we also may overdo it. Decide that life is too hard for us to possibly do anything more than we’re already doing and get in a moment that we live outside of what we want to live like.
We may get extra strict because the emotions scare us and our reactions scare us, and the only way to possibly handle any of these situations is to exert more control in the places that we have full control.

This is me definitely talking just as another very emotional human… This is well out of my realm of expertise as a nutrition and fitness coach. But I see it. I see it a lot. I see other humans doing these things because the pressure is on and the emotions are big. And they just need to do something with them.

What can we possibly do when we’re not OK?

First and foremost, seek a therapy. Therapists are trained professionals to help with coping mechanisms and guide you through some really choppy waters. There may be deeper reasonings that you do different things the way that you do and that’s OK. You may need a trained professional to help you sort through things. I have had a handful of therapist along my own weight management journey, and they have given me such a great resources on how to cope in different ways and also uncover the reasoning why I do some of the things that I do. Awareness is always the first step to change or understanding & acceptance.

Second, take a deeper look. How do you react when something happens? Do you immediately go for the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream? How do you feel after you have the ice cream? Sometimes it’s really just about sitting there and assessing what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. A lot of things change the moment that we take time to be aware. With awareness, maybe we can find a way to accept what we’re feeling and just let ourselves feel it. Know that those things are temporary.

Third, we can look more into mindfulness. As you read through different books on this topic, you start to have an understanding for feelings and the body. You can develop a breathing practice. You can learn how to ground yourself. Gain a better understanding of making conscious choices that have specific value to you instead of just allowing the emotion to decide for you.

Fourth, you can develop a self compassion practice. I started my journey with practicing more self compassion and self-discipline on more of a continuum after making my way through a bunch of mindfulness and mindful eating books. But one of my favorite reads was Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristen Neff PhD. As I made my way through this book, I started to understand that the ways that I reacted in different situations, probably served me in different points in time. They may have been the best that I could do. And if I don’t like them now, all I need to do is look to change them. I don’t have to feel bad that I’m practicing them or that I had previously. It was simply something that I did in a moment in time to help me get to where I am now.

What to do with Emotions & Potential Actions

One of my favorite practices that I have learned for myself overtime has been to come up with a feelings and actions list.

When I feel a certain way, this is what I’m going to practice.

I developed this list over overtime and tried to really tailor it to myself and how I would feel in that moment and what I would gain from taking a deeper look within and maybe doing a body scan.

Emotions

Fear
Disgust
Joy
Love
Anger
Surprise
Empathy
Sadness
Happiness
Anticipation

Small Habits to Incorporate

This is my list. Please feel free to make your own list. Some of these things will not make sense for you. These are things that I personally have needed to include for different moments of different times when I’ve had different emotions.

Adding in 5-minute walk breaks throughout the day
Adding a protein or a vegetable to one meal
Pre-portioning snacks for the day/week
Writing down meal ideas for the week
Planning out meals for the next day
Ordering groceries for delivery
Having a water bottle close to you and sipping on it all day
Doing one set of one exercise throughout the day to take a mental and physical stretch break (e.g., standing, stretching, and doing 10 squats)
Setting an alarm to get to bed 30 minutes earlier
Practicing 5 minutes of gratitude, journaling, or meditation each morning or night.

Examples

When I feel fear, I am going to plan out my meals for the next day. This helps me feel a little bit more in control. This will also be very helpful for me the next day in case the fear remains, and I feel it more intensely. I will be able to know that I am still nourishing myself the way that I need to in order to deal with what maybe causing this fear.

When I feel sad, I am going to set an alarm to get to bed 30 minutes earlier. I need that 30 minutes for me. It may be a little difficult with bedtime routines, and the kids, but we can all read in our bed and we will all be OK getting to bed 30 minutes earlier.

When I feel joy, I am going to write down meal ideas for the week. I am going to do this specifically because I am probably also feeling very creative in this moment and willing to take on a recipe that might challenge me. Sometimes I really enjoy a good challenge that could provide a lot of benefit with a great tasting dinner for my family.

Reflection on Actions Bringing on Positive Emotions

Something else that can be very helpful when you are digging deep into these emotions. Dig into some of the positive things. How do you feel when you reach one of the things you set out to do for the day?

I like to get very specific with this. I do that with the purpose of knowing that as a mom with four kids and a full-time job and a house and a lot of animals… I cannot possibly do it all all the time. So instead…. I like to think about how I feel when I do specific things so that way I can talk myself through getting them done when other parts of life are pulling me away from these things.

“I feel ___________ when I get an adequate amount of water.”
“I feel ___________ when I reach my daily activity through step goals.”
“I feel ___________ when I hit my daily protein goal.”
“I feel ___________ when I have the ability to get a full night’s sleep.”
“I feel ___________ when I lift weights X amount of days.”
“I feel ___________ when I reach my veggie/fruit goals.”
“I feel ___________ when I aim for moderation (X amount of takeout or alcohol for the week).”

When you complete this, you can walk away with a little bit more motivation in the tank to be able to accomplish these things in different moments. If I say that I feel more energized when I get an adequate amount of water and I am currently feeling very fatigued, I’m going to reach for my water. It has been something in the past that has solved this specific problem and I’m going to see if it can solve it again.

Again, these are just my personal practices that I have used over the years in my journey of losing 135 pounds and being able to maintain it and move through different body composition cycles afterward.

Takeaway

I know this probably didn’t even fully scratch the surface of all the way that emotions and weight management intertwine with each other, but it’s a place to start. It’s a place to acknowledge that we are emotional creatures and that’s OK. We don’t need to see our emotions as something that causes us to fail. We can see our emotions and figure out what it is that we might need in that moment and then move on.

At least that’s what I’m going to go with.

But sometimes… My angry inner toddler really does just want a cupcake. So I’m gonna get a cupcake. I’m gonna make sure that it’s not some crappy cupcake and eat it mindfully. I am going to savor every last bite of it and then I’m gonna feel better. And move on. As a toddler would that has lost interest with everything in one area. HA!

I Am Not Okay: Big Feelings & Weight Management

What can we possibly do when we’re not OK?